This is Sparta !

ABCDEFG

Little more clearly !

Stumbling Causes Insomnia

Mouse Pad Couch

Distructive Baby

Thief Signals Time-Out to Catch His Breath During Police Chase

An out-of-shape thief asked for a ‘time-out’ while being chased by police in the Philippines yesterday. He ran out of breath after sprinting for 500 yards and stopped to make the universal time-out hand gesture.

The man had broken into a house and stolen two mobile phones and a local police patrol heard the owner’s screams and gave chase. If the police had played fair, they should have stopped where they were until the thief had a chance to catch his breath and continue running, but the bastards ignored the man’s hand signal and grabbed him. They claim they thought he was trying to make the sign of the cross to ward off vampires and would have stopped if they’d realized he was actually signaling a timeout. Yeah, right.

Life's Logic

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Projects

Arabic Jokes

اتنين محششين كانو رجعين لبيت واحد فيهم فصاحب البيت ماسك السجاره وعايز يفتح بيها الباب فصاحبه بيقوله انتا هتفتح الباب بالسجاره فقال اه صح يبقى انا شربت المفتاح

مره واحد بلديتنا كان بيدهن الحيطه فقالولو متحط جرنال تحتك قالهم : مش مهم انا كده طايل

واحده غابت تلت تيام عن البيت ورجعت جوزها سألها كنتى فين قالتله شويه شباب خطفونى واغتصبونى لمده اسبوع قالها انتى بقالك تلت تيام بس هتشتغلينى ولا ايه قالتله ما انا رجعه اكمل

واحد صعيدى حب واحدة اتجوز اختها علشان يضمن يشوفها كل يوم

صعيدى ماشفش ابن عمه من سنة .ولما شافه من بعيد جه من وراه وخبطه بالفاس على راسه وقال : له انا مين؟

صعيدي ربح مليون
خافوا يبلغوه يموت مصدوم
قال العمده: أنا أقوله
قال يا محمدين لو كسبت مليون حتعمل
بيهم إيه ؟
قال: أديك نصهم
مات العمدة

محشش لقي كنز قال
كويس فاضل الخريطة

ولد بيسأل أبوه: هي الحمير بتتجوز؟؟
قاله: يا بني مبيتجوزش أصلاً غير الحمير

واحدة سودة قوي ركبها عفريت
حاولوا يطلعوه
قالهم : نفسي أطلع بس مش شايف

واحدة بتقول لجوزها
اطرد السواق ده كان حيموتني مرتين في حادثة
قال لها: خلينا نديه فرصة ثالثة

Man vs Woman

A Phone Call

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause.

"Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"

Engineering and Sex

The greatest problem that being an engineer will make you forget everything about sex

So Funny Quotes

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in
fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
- Robert Frost

Great Britain and the United States are nations
separated by a common language.
- George Bernard Shaw

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

How to solve a Problem